The hardest thing about infertility for me was feeling like everyone was moving forward in their life while I was stuck in the same place, wanting that same thing that everyone around me was getting. I watched one of my friends have 1 then 2 then get pregnant with her 3rd before I had Berkley – and we had started trying just shortly after they did. It was heart wrenching. At times it felt almost unbearable but I got through it. One step at a time, one needle, one appt, one test result at a time. I was thinking the other day how many shots I have a gotten since I started IVF and how many blood draws? I would say a conservative guess is 2oo – 250 shots at home and 50-75 blood draws. It sounds like a lot! And it WAS/IS a lot. But its not near the worst part of it. Its the waiting and wanting and longing and not understanding part.
If you are struggling with infertility here is my advice:
- Let the comparison go. If you can stop comparing yourself and your timelines to everyone else your life will be somewhat easier as you go through this.
- Get off of social media if you are really struggling. Seeing 5 different “I’m pregnant” posts every time you log on is not helpful on your already wounded heart.
- Don’t let it define you. I let it define me. After we lost Cade I had to figure out a way forward. I started having panic attacks but once I came to the realization that yes, I had gone through hell and wasn’t out of it yet, but I still am talented in other areas and can focus on those instead. I essentially had to talk myself off the edge of defeat every.single.morning. when I woke up. What are you good at? What areas do you excel in? What are you passionate about? Make your infertility your side-gig vs. your main gig.
- Get connected. Other women who are also going through IVF are literally my best friends. I text with them almost daily. It is so refreshing to not be alone in this.
- Get healthy. Eat right, exercise. Put your best food forward each month or round. It’s literally the one thing you can control in all of this.
If you think there may be an issue but aren’t sure:
- Be an advocate for yourself. How many months has it been- what tests have you done? My original OB/GYN told me there was nothing wrong and was upset when I asked for a referral to a specialist. It took almost 1 more year to actually get pregnant with Cade because my situation ended up being complex and I ended up needing surgery.
- If you think you want to talk to someone go ahead and make the appt. NOW. CCRM typically is booked out about 2 months for a consultation and that wait can be terrible in itself. If you get pregnant or change your mind you can always cancel your appt. but better to get it on the books.
- Do research. Success rate vary WIDELY depending on your clinic.
Praying for you all!