The hardest thing about infertility for me was feeling like everyone was moving forward in their life while I was stuck in the same place, wanting that same thing that everyone around me was getting. I watched one of my friends have 1 then 2 then get pregnant with her 3rd before I had Berkley – and we had started trying just shortly after they did. It was heart wrenching. At times it felt almost unbearable but I got through it. One step at a time, one needle, one appt, one test result at a time. I was thinking the other day how many shots I have a gotten since I started IVF and how many blood draws? I would say a conservative guess is 2oo – 250 shots at home and 50-75 blood draws. It sounds like a lot! And it WAS/IS a lot. But its not near the worst part of it. Its the waiting and wanting and longing and not understanding part.
If you are struggling with infertility here is my advice:
- Let the comparison go. If you can stop comparing yourself and your timelines to everyone else your life will be somewhat easier as you go through this.
- Get off of social media if you are really struggling. Seeing 5 different “I’m pregnant” posts every time you log on is not helpful on your already wounded heart.
- Don’t let it define you. I let it define me. After we lost Cade I had to figure out a way forward. I started having panic attacks but once I came to the realization that yes, I had gone through hell and wasn’t out of it yet, but I still am talented in other areas and can focus on those instead. I essentially had to talk myself off the edge of defeat every.single.morning. when I woke up. What are you good at? What areas do you excel in? What are you passionate about? Make your infertility your side-gig vs. your main gig.
- Get connected. Other women who are also going through IVF are literally my best friends. I text with them almost daily. It is so refreshing to not be alone in this.
- Get healthy. Eat right, exercise. Put your best food forward each month or round. It’s literally the one thing you can control in all of this.
If you think there may be an issue but aren’t sure:
- Be an advocate for yourself. How many months has it been- what tests have you done? My original OB/GYN told me there was nothing wrong and was upset when I asked for a referral to a specialist. It took almost 1 more year to actually get pregnant with Cade because my situation ended up being complex and I ended up needing surgery.
- If you think you want to talk to someone go ahead and make the appt. NOW. CCRM typically is booked out about 2 months for a consultation and that wait can be terrible in itself. If you get pregnant or change your mind you can always cancel your appt. but better to get it on the books.
- Do research. Success rate vary WIDELY depending on your clinic.
Praying for you all!
First Christmas Recap– just a tad belated. We went and saw Santa Christmas Eve at Crown Center where the real santa is. At least that’s what my mom always told us growing up. It gets confusing how Santa can be everywhere at once. So the real Santa is at Crown Center and all of his helpers are the others that you see around town 😉 She was fearless. Actually she just wanted to eat his beard & then the tassel on his hat. It was so much fun and she did great. We did Christmas with both sides of the families and loved being able to spend the night at our own house – get away from the madness some! KC does Christmas really well. I loved being here for the holidays. Only 347 days until Christmas 2016! #letthecountdownbegin
Your birth was easy- thank you for that 🙂 Once you were here, my life got better. It’s actually funny because I think I slept better once you were born. All of the anxious nights I had waiting for you were no longer a part of me since I had you officially in my arms. I was on cloud 9 for the first few weeks. I had this crazy amount of energy and felt like I was bouncing while I walked around with you. It was so surreal. I cooked & cleaned & felt invincible (for all of those thinking I am crazy- just keep reading). We were so careful as we gave you your first bath. I think there were like 4 people involved in that task 🙂 You actually slept great too when you came home from the hospital. There were a few nights you slept like 7 hours at night! It probably wasn’t good for mom’s milk supply but I didn’t really think about that at the time. Dad got to stay home for about 2 weeks with us before heading back to work and both of your grandmas & grandpas and all of your aunts took turns coming out to see you. We took daily walks with Tyson up to the dog park and watched every episode of “The Office”. We had TONS of visitors! Everyone was so anxious to meet you. The amount of clothes you received as gifts was crazy- I could have dressed triplets with your wardrobe.
About 1 month into your life, mom hit a wall. GMa had come into Denver to see you and that day I felt like I was going to pass out multiple times. I think that adrenaline rush that I had going strong for 4 weeks finally came to an end and reality set in. Getting up every few hours at night is actually hard after so many weeks on end! GMa timed her visit right which gave me the opportunity to take some naps and catch up on rest. It was MUCH needed. Your first trip was at 6 weeks old. We drove back to Kansas City for Aunt Kayley’s bachelorette party at the Lake of the Ozarks & you went to cousin Julie’s wedding. You were a champ on the drive- thank goodness because as I am writing this post you have made the drive from either Denver to KC or KC to Denver 5 times so far!
