Berkley Ann’s First 6 Months

This baby girl. This crisp but beautiful night. Thank you to Alison Moore Photography for so many great pictures- these are just a few of my favorites!  Berkley is 7 months old now, but I want to take a second to talk about our first 6 months.
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Berkley,

I cannot believe you are almost 7 months old! All of the sudden you are looking more like a little girl and you are closer to being 1 years old than you are to being a newborn. This is so bittersweet as we have so much to look forwards to, but at the same time, you have been the most snuggly, cute newborn and I have loved every second of figuring out how to be a mom the past 6 months.  Before time gets away from us I want to dedicate this post to you and talk about what has happened since your birthday.View More: http://alisonmoorephotography.pass.us/berkley1Your birth was easy- thank you for that 🙂 Once you were here, my life got better.  It’s actually funny because I think I slept better once you were born. All of the anxious nights I had waiting for you were no longer a part of me since I had you officially in my arms.   I was on cloud 9 for the first few weeks. I had this crazy amount of energy and felt like I was bouncing while I walked around with you.  It was so surreal. I cooked & cleaned & felt invincible (for all of those thinking I am crazy- just keep reading).  We were so careful as we gave you your first bath.  I think there were like 4 people involved in that task 🙂 You actually slept great too when you came home from the hospital. There were a few nights you slept like 7 hours at night! It probably wasn’t good for mom’s milk supply but I didn’t really think about that at the time.   Dad got to stay home for about 2 weeks with us before heading back to work and both of your grandmas & grandpas and all of your aunts took turns coming out to see you. We took daily walks with Tyson up to the dog park and watched every episode of “The Office”.  We had TONS of visitors! Everyone was so anxious to meet you.  The amount of clothes you received as gifts was crazy- I could have dressed triplets with your wardrobe.

View More: http://alisonmoorephotography.pass.us/berkley1About 1 month into your life, mom hit a wall.  GMa had come into Denver to see you and that day I felt like I was going to pass out multiple times.  I think that adrenaline rush that I had going strong for 4 weeks finally came to an end and reality set in.  Getting up every few hours at night is actually hard after so many weeks on end! GMa timed her visit right which gave me the opportunity to take some naps and catch up on rest.  It was MUCH needed.  Your first trip was at 6 weeks old.  We drove back to Kansas City for Aunt Kayley’s bachelorette party at the Lake of the Ozarks & you went to cousin Julie’s wedding.  You were a champ on the drive- thank goodness because as I am writing this post you have made the drive from either Denver to KC or KC to Denver 5 times so far!

View More: http://alisonmoorephotography.pass.us/berkley1

View More: http://alisonmoorephotography.pass.us/berkley1

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

At 2 months, you weren’t gaining weight. You had dropped into the 1st percentile for weight and we had to start adding formula into your diet.  Mom had a VERY hard time with this but once we did it, you were so much happier and you became a pretty easy baby.   I was dreading going back to work and we decided that we really missed having our families around. In July, we made the decision to move back to Kansas City in early September.  We drove back to Kansas City, shopped for houses and you attended Kayley’s wedding.  You were still so tiny and it took forever to find a dress small enough to fit you!! Also, you hair had almost all fallen out by the wedding 🙂

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I ended up going back to work part time so I could spend some more time with you.  You were rolling over both ways by about 4 months and sleeping on and off through the night.

We moved to Kansas City when you were exactly 5 months old.  I bawled my eyes out.  It was so hard to leave our friends, the city we love, your birthplace, your brother’s birthplace and leave our future babies (who are in storage there).  But family first.  I want you to grow up around your grandparents.  View More: http://alisonmoorephotography.pass.us/berkley1

You have turned into the most smiley, easy going baby.  You are ALWAYS on the move.  You have been active since you were in my belly. You love to be tossed around by us – I think you are going to be a roller coaster lover one day.  You have no fear of strangers and will go to anyone.  Every time I drop you at Nanny Lauren’s house I look back to see if there is any ounce of sadness there?! None that I can tell so far. You just love being around people!

We love you so much. You bring so much JOY into our lives.  We are so thankful for each day we get to spend with you, sweet girl.

 

 

 

 

Heavy Heart

With loss there is almost an unspoken order of events that should happen. Someone that lost a baby before me should have their rainbow baby before me.  This is how I have felt ever since meeting so many amazing women that have also had heart breaking losses.  For some reason this order of events just doesn’t play out all the time.  There is this one girl that I have become close with- we text a lot. She lost her baby girl in August 2013. It was a full term pregnancy & freak thing that happened during delivery that caused her baby to live for a week after she was born. I connected with her instantly because she had also held her child…spent time with her and made the heartbreaking decision to take her daughter off oxygen and held her as she passed. Just like we did with Cade.  It all may have gone down in the same room at the same hospital actually.

Since meeting her I have wanted her to have a healthy baby as badly as I wanted my own healthy baby.  Sadly, she has had 3 losses since (one all the way at 14 weeks of pregnancy).  Her and her husband have started to go to CCRM for help and answers.  She had started her meds and things were actually moving forward for an IVF cycle this month.  Anyways, I got another heart breaking text this afternoon. A cyst was detected in her ovary so they are canceling her cycle this month.   I am just sick about it.

I remember being stuck in that place. I too had random things happen that delayed my first IVF cycle. But then it happened and we had Cade.  And then 4.5 months later I got pregnant with Berkley who is just about 7 months.  And here is this amazing women- who is STILL stuck in the same place as when I met with her the first time over a year and half ago.  Women struggling with infertility, I know you know the pain of waiting and waiting.  Time passes so slowly.  A simple 1 month set back feels like being punched in the gut.  It’s really the worst.

So my ask for all of you is to say a prayer for her.  There HAS to be light at the end of the tunnel for her soon.  I have gotten fairly blunt with God since losing Cade and for this friend my prayer has turned into something like “give her a healthy baby… as soon as possible.”

October Run Down

Well HELLO there!  October came and went and I had little to no time to write and keep up on here.  Sorry, Y’all 🙂  Here is my quick October run-down and a glimpse into what is going on with our lives .

MOVING! Still… kitchen cabinets got painted (white, of course). Walls are being painted, things are slowing coming together. I’ll put up some house pictures soon!!

WORKING! Not as exciting, but equally-if not more- exhausting. I have been SO busy. By the time I get home at night I am just brain fried.

ROYALS! World Series champs… NBD.  KC is buzzing and I am so excited but SO tired from those late-night games.  The last time we won in 1985 (my birth year).

Berkley 10/31/2015 & me (about 8 months) in 1985.

Berkley Halloween 7 monthsScreen Shot 2015-11-02 at 11.12.06 AM

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

BERKLEY!!!! My funny, adorable, snuggly, expressive 6 (almost 7) month old.  She was sick, sick, sick 2 weeks ago (fever, puking, etc.). It. was. terrible. And Adam and I didn’t get any sleep for pretty much a week straight.  She is all better now, but wow- being a parent was pretty tough there for a few days.

Honestly, I love writing and I love this blog. I am just having a really tough time finding my voice on here. It’s a very strange place to be after going through so much heart ache and now having so much joy.   October 15 was Infant & Pregnancy Loss Remembrance Day.  I was supposed to go to a group that night but Adam was traveling and we were staying with my in-laws while the cabinets were getting painted. It was just one of those days that was crazy and I couldn’t make it.  A very awesome gal (who has also gone through a lot- and is still very much in it) lit a candle for Cade.  It was so thoughtful.

“Celebrating the lives of our children who reign in glory”

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