Two years ago I was in a hospital bed anxiously awaiting the birth of our first baby. Our first son. I had NO idea what was about to happen in just 2 days. March 13th is Cade’s second birthday. After the events that happened earlier this week I wanted to cancel all of our plans but I am feeling much better. One of the reasons we moved back to KC was to be around family and that’s exactly what I want to do on Sunday. Not only was Cade our son but he was a grandson and a nephew. I want us all to just hang out and remember/celebrate that little boy who literally flipped our world upside down in so many different ways.
I think the thing that has rocked me the most this week is all of the feelings that I keep just under the surface bubbled up on Monday after I talked to my nurse. I couldn’t sleep at all on Monday night. Tuesday and Wednesday I tossed and turned and worried all night about me & about some of my friends going through IVF at this very moment (4 super dear friends- all within like 6 weeks of each other!!). I also got contacted by a couple this week who lost their 4 1/2 month old to SIDS and they have been weighing heavy on my heart.
Tuesday morning I had tentatively planned on taking a sick day. I’m pretty sure miscarriage = sick, right? But I woke up, I put my game face on. I had a super productive day and just kept thinking how I am so lucky, so blessed to be Berkley’s mom at this very moment. She is my little anxiety pill 🙂
She is ELEVEN months and I just can’t get over her sweet little face in this picture. We are busy planning her bumble bee (“B”) themed party! I cannot believe ONE is right around the corner.